These guys are totally sick for tofu
and Che Guevara T-Shirts.
As an exercise in self-analysis I have identified fifteen surefire signs that you are in fact, bourgeois trash. The truth is often a bitter pill to swallow, but if we can't laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at? George Bush is always a safe bet. And the survey says...
- Anyone who claims to be 'de-toxing'. You cannot cleanse your liver or heal your body in just three weeks. It really doesn't work like that.
- Anyone who drinks Soy Lattes. Everyone knows they taste like absolute s#it, so why put yourself through it?
- Use of the word 'fascist' as a synonym for 'conservative' or 'right-wing'.
- Emailing friends political articles from the Herald with the subject header:
['Alan Ramsey explains why Howard is going to lose the next election.']
- Anyone who, like me, thinks that owning two Scissor Sisters albums makes them outrageously cool.
- Anyone who claims to be a 'proper bisexual' but has never had a partner of the same sex.
- Any man who moisturises his hands.
- Any wealthy parent who chooses to support public education by sending their child to a state primary school, then sends them to Cranbrook or Knox for high school.
- Anyone who insists on adding 'and the locals were so poor, but they kept smiling' to every second sentence describing their recent overseas holiday.
- People who believe that doing yoga in a 46 degree heated room does anything but make other people's farts smell worse.
- People who only eat organic and describe genetically modified food as 'Frankenstein food' *. These people are very difficult to cook for, and always embarrass you at cafes by insisting that their soy latte be made from non-genetically modified soybeans.
- The drinking of Aloe Vera Juice is a surefire sign that you are completely and utterly pink.
- People who preach religious tolerance, but make an exception for scientology.
- Anyone who writes Haikus.
- Anyone hoping for another interest rate rise before the next election.
- Anyone who thinks its just oh so vogue and postmodern to deride themselves and their own subculture on their blog is a filthy pinko left-wing intellectual elitist.
* No animal DNA is present, though GM food remains a complex issue. Environmentalists have convinced African leaders to reject millions of dollars worth of desperately needed grain donations. Such GM seeds are modified to better withstand the continent's often harsh and arid climates and harvest up to eight times more efficiently. On the one hand, Africans continue to starve as their governments play it safe. On the other, your body is your temple, even if it is a hungry temple. No seriously, there is a good argument to be made against GM food: http://www.greens.org/s-r/34/34-09.html.
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