A Tribute to Steve Irwin. Steve, though you were always a source of cheap laughs and amusement for my friends and I, we do genuinely miss you. Its always sad when a guy who brings smiles passes. And its always sad when someone you can truly identify with leaves us. But most of all I'm pissed off that I can't do my stellar impersonation of you anymore.
Steve, in you we saw so much of the quintessential Australian. In fact, I see myself as quite the quintessential Australian - we shared so many traits I feel as though a part of me has died with you. For example:
- Our unwavering confidence in our own taste in clothing.You wore Khaki everywhere, and I wear a suit Monday through Friday. My favourite shirt is the iridescent pink one. I like to couple it with a cerise and blue tie.
- You wrestled crocodiles with nothing but a rope and some gaffer-tape. I once caught a hairy spider with a glass. It was huuuuuuge!
- You were a fierce and active supporter of environmental conservation. I once voted for the Greens at a council election. Clearly we're both willing to make sacrifices for the planet.
- By all accounts you always went out of your way to speak to people you didn't have to and to make your colleagues feel like part of the family. I always go out of my way to speak to girls in nightclubs and invite them to start a family with me. Or at least meet my mum.
- You had blonde hair. I have blonde hair. I get it done by a guy named Roderigo at a boutique Salon in Surry Hills. I just don't trust anybody else.
- For you, nothing came close to camping out in the rugged outdoors. This must be in an Australian's blood, because I usually sleep with the window open in summer. In fact I'm so passionate about this that I just got a fly-screen put up to keep the insects out.
- When it came to dangerous reptiles, you believed in giving infant children the same baptism of fire you got from your dad. I also believe in scaring the crap out of babies for the amusement of others. If it was good enough for me to be put in a suitcase by my dad and thrown down the stairs to the cheers of fourteen drunk middle-aged cricket fans, its good enough for anyone else who isn't old enough to support their own head.
- You ran your own successful multi-million dollar enterprise. I also have ingrained in me the business acumen of five generations of white-Australia. I like to buy things off ebay, then sell them two months later at a profit.
- You were always striving to open people's eyes to the beauty of the wonderful fauna this great nation is blessed with. I too am always trying to convince my friends that my cat really is very friendly when you get to know her. You just have to get past the scratching and the furballs and allergens.
So you see Steve, you and I aren't so different, and if you're what it means to be Australian, I'm damn proud to call myself orrrstrayan.
