Alan Jones: A Parroty of Himself

With Media Watch's defecatory brush of liberal bias currently distracted by bigger issues, such as polar bears and underexposed photographs, the task of keeping the public informed about Alan Jones' recent tumults has fallen upon The Daily Worry.

Now, we're not suggesting that Alan Jones is a racist, mealy-mouthed, divisive, narcissistic, hypocritical, public toilet frequenting closet homosexual man-parrot - we'll leave that to Chris Masters. We are merely imploring the hero of the masses to accept due credit for his heroic deeds in the week leading up to the 2005 Cronulla Revolution.

This week the Australian Communications and Media Authority found Jones guilty of having made comments on his 2GB breakfast radio program between December 5-9 which were "likely to encourage violence or brutality and to vilify people of Lebanese and Middle-Eastern backgrounds on the basis of ethnicity".

Jones responded to the finding on air thusly - "To be charged with all of this is just unbelievable, especially when you've mounted the defences, and these were our defences, and at the end of the day, they didn't want to know about the defences". Yes Alan, we agree. It is disgraceful that one should be found guilty despite having gone to all the effort of mounting a defence.

Jones must come to recognise that whilst the people love him, those with power despise him. Except of course for our beloved and noble Prime Minister, who was quick to announce "I am not going to get involved in comments on individual decisions" before going on to involve himself in ACMA's decision by declaring "I don't think he's a person who encourages prejudice in the Australian community, not for one moment, but he is a person who articulates what a lot of people think".

How true. A lot of people thought that a violent alcohol-fuelled riot would be the best way of resolving the complex issues of increasing cultural tension. By the Thursday before the riot Jones was demanding tribute as the leader of the Revolution - "I'm the person that's led this charge here. Nobody wanted to know about North Cronulla, now it's gathered to this."

Yet now, the modest hero denies all - "Anyone who knows me knows I've never encouraged violence or brutality in anything ... and I did the exact opposite but our defences counted for nothing."

When a certain caller, identified only as John, called on the Tuesday of that hallowed week, he passed unto Alan Jones' listeners a fragment of wisdom for the ages. "Shoot one, the rest will run" he promised. Did Alan Jones then do the exact opposite of encouraging violence and brutality as he now humbly claims? No readers, verily unto you I say that Jones laughed heartily before replying "No, you don't play Queensberry's rules. Good on you John."

Alan Jones. Humble servant of the Revolution.