Journalist Uncovers Global Warming Conspiracy

The Daily Worry can report that Sun-Herald journalist Miranda Devine is the early favourite for this year's Gold Walkley award after uncovering a vast international conspiracy over global warming.

In her brilliantly constructed article, Devine first demonstrates Labor's response to the issue to be little more than "hyperbolic scaremongering" on the basis that their proposed response would 'wreck the economy' and cost jobs. She proves this by noting Peter Garrett's endorsement of Professor Tim Flannery, a man who is on record as saying that "Ultimately there is only one set of accounts that matters at all. It's not what John Howard says or what the current account balance in the Australian economy is - it's the one held by the atmosphere".

From this Devine is able to extrapolate Flannery's motto, the core belief by which he is driven and by which he lives his life, and once again it seems we've all been taken for a ride. Flannery's motto has nothing to do with rescuing humanity from the folly of its unremitting march toward cataclysm. No - we finally learn that "forget the economy, is Flannery's motto". Labor has painted itself into a corner. It seems that by "hitching its wagon to climate-change catastrophists" Labor is choosing to ignore a large body of scientific evidence from climate change sceptics, most notably The Fraser Institute, described by Devine as a 'Canadian thinktank'.

The implication against Labor is clear. By choosing to ignore the opinions of a body describing itself as a 'thinktank', Labor is preferring the opinions of bodies which are not thinktanks, and thus cannot lay claim to be thinkers.

Devine has, with powerful and brilliant logic, pointed out that by ignoring an independent thinktank whose noble mission statement is simply to advocate economic rationalism, free trade and deregulation, and which is so independent that it receives no government funding at all, instead relying on the generosity of such companies as logging giant MacMillan Bloedel Limited, Labor has shown itself to be entirely close-minded on the issue.

Having established the danger and ridiculousness of left-wing global warming alarmism, Devine comes to the only logical conclusion - that global warming is a conspiracy hatched by left-wing scientists and politicians to unite the world against an abstract and defeatable enemy. "Nice idea if it works" she concludes sarcastically and with clear contempt for the evil idea of uniting a world in which so many are Muslims who support terrorism.

Once again Devine's logic is as brilliant as it is infallible - any scientist who supports the notion of global warming as posing dramatic and imminent consequences is clearly biased since they don't support the Howard government and are thus left-wing. Since left-wing people like Muslims who like terrorists, this whole global warming thing must be little more than a ploy to divert the world's attention from its hatred of terrorists, thus ensuring that Al Gore will be elected President in 2008.

Miranda Devine will not only win a Walkley for this report, but probably a Nobel Prize for Science too. After the Royal Commission of course.