Rudd Might Oppose Death Penalty

Opposition Leader Kevin Rudd today chastised his own foreign affairs spokesman, describing a speech by Robert McClelland in which he signals Labor's disaproval of capital punishment for the Bali bombers as "insensitive".

McClelland had been trying to make the point that Australia's clemency pleas for its own citizens on death-row can be dismissed as hypocritical by other nations, who might point to the comments of Australia's own prime minister in support of the execution of the Bali bombers. He today apologised for his hurtful comments, dismissing the argument as "absurd" and apologising to the prime minister for any injury to his feelings.

Kevin Rudd attempted to hose down the issue by declaring that "whilst the prime minister and I agree on a lot of things, this is one issue where I must say that we are in particular harmony and resounding agreement that we are absolutely opposed to the death penalty, but believe that it is wrong not to kill terrorists."

Foreign Affairs Minister Alexander Downer called a press conference immediately following Mr Rudd's remarks, accusing the Opposition Leader of being a "clever politician".

"Kevin Rudd is a clever politician, and a clever opposition leader. You may recall that I was once an opposition leader, but you never saw me being clever. I have never been a clever politician. I have never been a clever Foreign Affairs Minister. In fact I can categorically declare that I have never been very clever at all."

Workchoices Tops Ratings Again

In another coup for the high flying Howard government, the latest ACNielsen poll reveals that this week's episode of its new comedy series Workplace Relations has continued its successful debut season by outrating its nearest rivals, Seven's Border Security and Ten's Thank God You're Here by over 200,000 viewers.

Industry insiders credit the success of the show to its wacky characters, zany plotlines, and the hilarious antics of the show's main character 'Kerry', a call-centre operator harbouring a secret dream of Broadway stardom. The unnamed characters known only to fans as 'those two dumb drunk blokes' have also become a cult favourite amongst devotees of the series, with their catchphrases 'aahyeeah', and 'riiiight' now entrenched in pop-culture lexicon.

Fans can't seem to get enough of the surprise hit of the spring. One fan of the show identifying himself as 'Steve82' wrote on a television discussion website that 'Workplaces Relations is way better than The Simpsons. But only because I've seen every episode of The Simpsons over 430 times, but I've only seen most episodes of Workplace Relations about 350 times.'

Industry experts have credited much of the success of Workplace Relations to the advertising blitz employed by the show's producers, with radio, newspaper, internet, billboard, cinema, direct mail and rest room advertising bombarding the public with images and previews of the show.

Earlier in the year the show was embroiled in controversy when one of its stars was shown to be playing a different character to his actual character in real life.

Say no to animationism.

EXTREME!!!

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Everybody go see the Women's Revue. It will be hilarious, fantastic and generally awesome, and the organisers have promised minimal bloodshed. Unless you heckle.

First person to decode the binary gets a free beer.

So basically Max, yeah, it is funny.

Okay, there's a strong possibility that most of you aren't going to get this. Whilst explaining a joke invariably denudes it of all humour, you'll still get a kick out of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbGkxcY7YFU

Nobody dies in the next strip. I promise.

Honi what?

Everyone hates competent people.

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